


We Don't Talk Anymore

by sugar_star



Series: Haikyuu!! x Reader [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Did I mention angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rating May Change, Reader-Insert, male reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8576965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugar_star/pseuds/sugar_star
Summary: You two had been friends during your time together in middle school. Even when he turned into the tyrant King, you remained loyal to him, no matter what. So why did he have to look at and praise that shrimp the way he should have done for you.





	1. Loyalty to the King

**Author's Note:**

> WOW I POSTED IT UNFINISHED WHOOPS ////////
> 
> Gonna be trying to do Haikyuu!! x male!reader stuff because I don't see much of it around! Didn't think I'd be doing Kageyama first, but now I'm emotionally invested and I hate myself

Kitagawa Daichi was the school of dreams it seemed like. The academics were nearly flawless on almost all levels, and the sports teams were some of the best in the middle school circuit. Especially the volleyball team, what with it's many rising stars and powerhouses sprinkled throughout the class groups. Among the first years were a small group of friends never left each other's sides, on or off the court, a colorful group of young stars determined to make it to the top together. Kindaichi, Kunimi, Kageyama, and yourself. A tiny powerhouse group that grabbed the attention of the upperclassmen that they so willfully set out to beat. Especially Oikawa-senpai, who seemed to be the strongest competition, especially with the young setter, Kageyama. You looked up to all of them, bound determined to become the best teammate to them that you could possibly be! Practices were hard, and only got harder as the years went on. Soon, your group's senpais had gone off to high school, but you managed to remain resilient. Even as the tyrant rose amongst you, you remained steady.

Your final year of middle school was one you swore you'd never forget, even if the reason you wouldn't was one that would weigh you down. Kitagawa Daichi was against one of their toughest opponents, everyone was beyond exhausted, the opposing team hardly looked fazed. Some kids even asked to be benched, trying to regain some of their hard-pressed energy. But no one wanted to lose this game, it was a defining moment for the oldest kids, old members of the team were scattered throughout the bleachers. They all had something to prove. You gave your friends a few determined glances and steeled yourself for the final set. As the match went on, things started to change for the worst. Kageyama was barking at everyone's mistakes. Kindaichi often sneered at him and began to step to him before you would throw yourself between them, interjecting with 'don't mind's or some joking insult of your own to placate the spiky haired boy. Kunimi was slowing down on his receives, to which he eventually gave up on going to get. Kageyama wasn't stopping either, and soon he was screaming at the team enough to have the ref at the net upset. Whatever you did to try and calm him down usually ended in a bitter insult thrown your way. You'd laugh them off as best you could, no matter how much they bit into you.

Kindaichi and Kunimi eventually tried to convince you to walk off the court with them, so that Kageyama would understand what he was doing, but you told them with your same vigor that he would stop soon enough. You were determined to do them, the school even, proud. To do Kageyama proud. They watched as you bounded onto the court once more, taking your spot behind Kageyama in the rotation, scowls setting into their features at your resolve, but they didn't want to hurt you anymore than Kageyama had, so they stayed quiet and walked onto the court. As soon as the toss started to be setup, though, you watched with a strangled gasp as the whole team turned away from the King. Your friends looked like they were going to cry as they stepped silently away from the court. A sob tore through your chest, heart lurching as Kageyama set to no one before he could even see that no one was there. _'How could they?'_ Your heart was thrumming in your ears now, Kindaichi turned back to give you a broken look, chewing on his lip at the tears you hardly felt running against your cheeks. _'How could they just give up?'_ Kageyama had called for one of the wing spikers that weren't there. You were a mid blocker, setup behind him for the rotation, you could never hit that toss. You were useless, but you couldn't let the ball hit the floor, this wasn't over! _'How could they give up on what we worked so hard for?!'_

The tears that had been streaming down your cheeks danced in the air, your legs carrying you faster than should have been possible. This wasn't over, you hadn't given up this chance. Even if Kageyama had told you you were useless, not worth the time. Even if you weren't a spiker, never attacked in your whole career. This wasn't over yet. The squeaking of sneakers desperately moving forward resounded in the offending silence that caused heads to turn from all directions. Legs moving, burning with effort, trying to take you to where you should be, standing next to the King as his foolish servant, body soon flung into the air at too extreme an angle, a sharp crack of a hard plastic volleyball smacking into skin resounding. Your eyes, hazy with tears, barely saw the ball smack onto the gymnasium floor on the other side of the net. Not that it mattered as the ref eyed it for a solid second before calling the shot.

Out.

Your feet hadn't landed properly with the angle of your body and you nearly crashed into the ref posted beside the net, the ground rushing up to met you and your fatigue weakened legs that stumbled under the sudden weight of your body. Familiar voices called from afar, surrounded you quickly, okaying if you were alright, if you were hurt anywhere. The only that hurt was your pride as you crumpled further against the floor, sobs ripping out of your throat causing your body to tremble under the hands trying to lift you up. There was a sense of unbearable silence, though. He wasn't speaking. He was saying anything, it was like he wasn't even there. The silence strangled the sobs trying to escape, garbled profanities barely whispering passed your lips. Kindaichi was quick to scold you for being so reckless, he was on your right, trying to pull you up from the cold gym floor, his voice sounding so distant in the silence. Kunimi was on your left struggling to help Kindaichi steady you. None of that mattered. The King had yet to speak, the servant couldn't leave. The world was crumbling down as they managed to stand with you, your gaze falling onto the sullen looking King. You had been so good to him, you hadn't left him, you had stayed! Why wasn't he saying anything to you?! Why wasn't he even looking at you?! Another sob managed to crack through your ragged, drying throat. The last thing you managed to hear before you were taken into the locker room to tend to whatever injuries you may have had was the coach, benching Kageyama for the way he recklessly tossed and treated his teammates. The only sound you heard from Kageyama was a quiet sob, and something that was certainly not about you.

\---

The sound of sneakers skidding across the floor was familiar and somewhat dulled to the ears with the routine of coming to the gymnasium everyday, practices at Aoba Seijou were always the same. Rigorous, full of pain, sweat, and a sense of fulfillment. The squeaks across the glistening floor, the cracking of the volleyballs bouncing against it, smacking against reddened and callused skin, even whacking a newbie ,or Kindaichi, upside the head whenever they were paying attention. There were always spectators for practice, whether they were there for the team, or for the overly obnoxious setter that was Oikawa Tooru, and they filled the otherwise empty space enough to give the room a settled atmosphere amongst the shouting and cheering. Kunimi was currently resting on one of the benches off to the side, scanning the room of moving bodies for one in particular.

"Hey!" Almost as if he'd called you by name, your head turned, hands raising to catch the oncoming ball that Kindaichi had wanted you to toss for him. You kindly hurled it right at the turnip headed teen's spiky dome, ignoring the persistent grumbling, before jogging over to the bench only to catch the airborne bottle of water Kunimi had tossed your direction with a quiet thank you. "How's it coming? That special move you and that annoying setter are working on?"

After a few seconds of gulping down the cooling water and relishing at the relief it brought to your scratchy throat, you frowning down at your childhood friend. "You shouldn't call Oikawa-senpai annoying..." The way you said it made Kunimi mentally raise an eyebrow, before he elected to not mention it aloud. "He's teaching me the best he can..."

Ah, that was it, the reason for the faint speech, he noted with a scowl. He figured you were remembering back to that day not so long ago, the day you held onto with your every spike, toss, and block. Ever since that match in middle school, you had beaten yourself up over screwing up the only toss you had ever bothered to try and hit. Kunimi and Kindaichi could never understand why you had been so hung up on "failing" that impossible toss, they had actually given up and refused to try and hit the damned thing, but there you had been launching into the air and whacking that ball like everything in life depended on that one moment. But it hung over you still, like a dark foreboding cloud threatening to burst. Luckily enough it had started to go as soon as the three of you had been accepted into Aoba Seijou, somehow or another. You three were still friends, still hung out of practice, still talked. Unlike Kageyama, who the others refused to tell you about. They wanted you to forget, heal, work with that annoying setter and the scary ace to be better than Kageyama had ever been. They didn't even tell you when they knew what school he had gone to. His name was practically forbidden, yet you held onto it with a reviere to rival any other, and they just couldn't understand why. Especially after the moment they decided to never let him speak to you again.

_"I can't believe you even bothered to try and hit the damn ball, and had the gall to miss it! Worthless!"_

_Kindaichi had stepped in front of a much younger, still shaken you, Kunimi trying to keep you as calm as he could. "Look King, at least he gave a damn enough to try! Didn't even think to give up on you like we did! This just proves that you're nothing but a worthless tyrant!"_

_Kageyama had sent a glare up at Kindaichi before settling it onto you once more. When you opened your mouth to try and apologise, say anything at all to keep the enraged King from berating you more, he cut you off. "You've never been good enough, and I doubt any of you will ever be."_

And that seemed to have stuck with you, even though Aoba Seijou was full of the utter most positivity, and your skills had been steadily improving with the help of your new friends and teammates. It was like those last few words were enough to spiral you into despair, shatter whatever confidence you actually had. Every small failure must have felt like Kageyama was right around the corner, saying the same things over and over again. Even Oikawa, the loud mouthed, always energetic and ever annoying senior was on your side. He gave you kind words, noticed little things you could easily fix, gave you the praise you had always hungered for. But it wasn't the same. Your idol barely held a candle in the pitch black storm of doubt. He even helped with your tosses, helped you with your spikes, his tosses so much easier to hit than the King's. Hell, he even designed an attack based on the match he had watched back then. It had piqued his interest, and he decidedly took you under his wing as soon as you arrived for tryouts.

"You know, we have that practice match soon. He'll be pushing you harder than ever, Iwaizumi, too. Can you handle all of that pressure?" Kunimi was giving you the most sincere expression of worry, to which you gave a simple smile. You set down your now half empty bottle on the bench next to him.

"I'll be okay. I'm tougher than I look, Kunimi-kun."

Kunimi sighed as you turned back toward the courts, shouting something nonsensical at Kindaichi as you went back to practice. "I sure hope so, because you won't be too strong the day Karasuno comes, I guarantee it..."


	2. Defiance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is working out better than I thought,,,
> 
> Enjoy!

"Alright, our practice match against Karasuno takes place tomorrow! So sleep well, and make sure you're here on time! Understood?" There was a collective shout in agreement, the ace of the team, Iwaizumi Hajime, nodding at the satisfactory reply, the captain of the team, Oikawa Tooru, at his side smiling like he usually did. He would usually chime in, but he seemed placated today. "Get your asses home."

Upon dismissal, you quickly gathered up your things, tossing them rather haphazardly into your duffel bag. Kindaichi was right behind you, raising an eyebrow at the unusual actions, you tended to be a bit on the neater side. "Hey, you alright?"

The look you gaze him sent him stuttering back, blinking with wide eyes. Kunimi had wandered over, raising an eyebrow at the exchange. He was just as bewildered, with every right to be really. The look was one the two hadn't seen for a long time, eyes bright and wide, almost shining enough to put a star to shame. Cheeks flushed with more than exhaustion, a smile wider than should have been possible gracing usually downturned lips. It cause the two friends to take a minute before returning the grin without words. Kindaichi's hand reached to scruff your hair into a bigger mess than it had already been, Kunimi simply smiled in silence as they walked along side yourself. They felt it too, but for a different reason, they were after vengence, you were out to prove yourself.

Just that thought though, gave the two teens reason to push their personal vendettas aside for now.

\---

You were restless all night, barely sleeping enough to call it more than a cat nap. Your mother had barely had to intrude on your room to wake you from what little slumber you had managed. Breakfast was quick, your unnecessary hurry to get to school gave your mother reason to smile. It had been too long since she's seen her baby smile, be as animated as that morning. She silently hoped you'd return the same.

The walk to school with your friends had been bustling, Kindaichi was boisterous as always, but with you bustling around with him he was even more so. Kunimi could only shake his head and smile. He had a sinking feeling this would end by the time to other team showed up for the practice match. For now, he would let it be. This was nice, the sounds of laughter took him back to days where they didn't have anything more to worry about than the passing days and volleyball. School went by in a flash, and Kunimi secretly wished the practice match would be canceled. He didn't want this chipper you to fade. He knew it would. Because Kageyama would be there, the agreement they made with Karasuno made sure the old King would be there.

The time had finally come, you were full of boundless energy, hell even Iwaizumi was trying not to laugh at the sudden spark lit under your usual gloom and doom attitude. It was a welcome change, but Kindaichi and Kunimi shared a look that they had only shared once before. When they decided to forcibly cut you away from the King. They were going to keep you held up, they were going to make sure you showed him what you had become. The gymnasium was filled with excitement, mostly because you were bustling around more than usual, even the other setter on the team, Yahaba, was more animated than usual.

There was a near tangible excitement, and it was infectious. It wormed it's way around the gym, to the spectators in the bleachers, even the coach. You were so eager to get started, and when you heard Iwaizumi talking to someone who was apparently named Daichi, you beamed, not noticing your closest friends hovering around you with a cautious intent. One by one the team filed in, it was a rather small team in comparison to Aoba Seijou. There were two who were fairly short, one was their libero, but the orange haired one just looked with a middle school kid tagging along. You started to turn away to grab Kindaichi and Kunimi to go introduce yourselves before the little orange haired one squawked at someone behind him. This name froze you in place.

"Kageyama, hurry up!"

"Shut up, dumbass, you left all your junk on the bus!"

Your eyes must have been as wide as the volleyballs themselves, lips parted as if you had willed the breath to not leave them. Pain slowly rose up into your chest, your heart thrummed loudly in your ears, your mind too occupied to register the strong hand falling onto your shoulder to keep you grounded. There was no sound suddenly, the team was gone, your friends were gone. It was just you, unbreathing, staring at the teen in the doorway that had apparently noticed you gawking at him. He stared at you, eyes unwavering, face unreadable. It was like nothing else was in the gym, until he looked away to the whining bundle of energy next to him.

Then he walked away, joining his team to greet the coach and the rest of the Aoba Seijou team. You suddenly felt very ill, but swallowed it down in favor of shaking off the shock and turning toward your friends. They gave you a worried look, to which you simply shoved passed them, going back to the remaining team members who were practicing drills. The three of you would talk later.

\---

Oikawa wasn't here yet, much to the coach's annoyance. Yahaba had been setting during the first half of the first set. Kindaichi and Kunimi were on the court. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were switching in and out every so often. Karasuno was a strong team, apparently their team had just finally managed to collect itself enough to accept the invitation from Aoba Seijou. You were sitting on the bench, watching the match with the most critical look you had ever had. When Kindaichi had happened to glance over at you once, he nearly flinched at the intensity. It reminded him of Oikawa, somehow.

Matsukawa was coming back to bench to let Hanamaki back out onto the court again, but this time, instead of standing with the rest of the team, he flopped down next to you. It didn't deter your gaze in the slightest. It was still locked on the ball in the hands of Karasuno's current server. You didn't care about their name. You barely even heard Matsukawa talking next to you until he nudged at your shoulder. You were never one to disrespect your senpais, so you managed to tear your eyes away from the soaring volleyball to glance over at him.

"OIkawa will be here soon. You'll get your shot soon enough."

He didn't say anything else, and you didn't feel the need to respond. It was a stated fact, not a conversation starter. But you had nodded at the notion. Oikawa would be here soon, you repeated to yourself, and you would have your shining moment. For now, you were memorizing that quick of their's, Kageyama and that shrimp kid. It was all Kageyama, he was matching the kid's erratic movements to throw off the team, locking the ball on to the exact point of impact. It made you angry, it only fueled your need for Oikawa to show up. You would show him.

The first set was over. Karasuno was rejoicing. Kageyama didn't look proud. He knew what was coming apparently.

It was too bad he didn't. Oikawa's entrance to the gym was followed by fangirl squeals and groaning from the members of the team. A teasing hint to it, of course. You had to control the bouncing of your leg, the racing of your heart in your chest. it was your time. You had practicing for months with Oikawa on setting to the team, you could almost match the male's skill by now but you would never say that to anyone. You had been sharpening off your blocks and reads, managing to steal the show from Kindaichi's spiking practices more often than not.

There was one thing in particular that you had been training to do. Oikawa and Iwaizumi had pulled you aside one day to discuss a certain spike from the year previous.

_"You nearly landed an impossible attack. You should be proud, for someone who says they never did anything but block." Oikawa was trying to give you the most reassuring grin, but it was lost on you. It always was. He took the silence for what it was before looking to Iwaizumi._

_"Look." There was a solid hand on your shoulder that you didn't have the strength to try and move away from. "You've evidently got some freakish raw strength locked up in there somewhere. We need solid amounts of freakish strength since Shittykawa over here is the only one with anything like that and it's a fucking waste." Iwaizumi elected to ignore the pouting and squawking from his side to give your shoulder a small squeeze. "We've got a plan."_

You were walking onto the court, taking Yahaba's place, Kunimi switched with Oikawa. You gave Oikawa a tiny look, and the grin you received told you everything you needed to know. With a steeled will, you turned back toward the net, eyes filled with fire and staring straight into the eyes of one Kageyama Tobio. He blinked, and for a second you thought he looked uneasy.

It gave you the biggest thrill, and your heart surged in your chest as the whistle for the second set blew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to shoot me any pairings or whatnot you would want for a male or gender neutral reader at candiedpaper.tumblr.com
> 
> If you have any requests include a scenario or prompt, who you want it to be with, and if its mxm or mxgn, I can even try other stuff but I'd like to keep it for mxm or mxgn!


	3. Cheer Up Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Describing volleyball stuff is hard but very pleasing idk
> 
> Also THANK YOU GUYS FOR GETTING NEARLY 150 HITS ON THIS WOW I LOVE YOU

Oikawa's serves were the strongest on the team, that wasn't up for debate. He was also the best setter on Aoba Johsai, without a doubt. He could do things for the team that no other setter could do. Even if there were setters better than him, there was an electricity that shot through the team when he was around. You weren't immune to it, it coursed through you like it did everyone else, but you felt an overpowering need to not let him down. You had already let down one setter, you weren't about to do it again. Oikawa's eye were everywhere, you eagerly tried to do the same. Whatever Oikawa did, you did. When you first joined Aoba Johsai's volleyball club, you were apprehensive. The loss from the year before was enough to make you consider not playing anymore. Your friends had to practically drag you to the first practices of the year.

The second you saw the expansive gyms, though, you fell in love all over again. There were already people practicing, trying to join the club, the sounds gave a familiar ring, drew you in, and you were thankful that Kunimi and Kindaichi had never really listened to you and dragged you here. Everything felt the same, yet so much... better? It was nothing like the elementary courts made of dirt and chalk lines. It was nothing like middle school, nothing like Kitagawa Daiichi. It was nothing like your time with Kageyama. It was warm and inviting, even though Aoba Johsai was one of the top schools, nothing was as tense as you had thought. The scariest thing was Iwaizumi, but he was just the rock of the team it turned out, the only thing keeping most of the other's from strangling Oikawa to death. Nothing seemed forced between any of the players. They were friends, something you were grateful to still have.

You gained more friends in the few short months on the team, even if you were usually unmotivated to do much of anything at first. That all changed when you started what Oikawa called 'special training'. He gave you spiking drills for the first week and a half. Only spiking drills. He would toss to you, you would hit the ball, simple enough. Until you started to try and dip out. That was when he hit you where it hurt.

_"You wanna beat Tobio-chan, right?"_

Something in you had snapped, Kindaichi had tried to stop you, but you were in a fit a fury. Your hand had found itself wrapped in your senpais jersey, your eyes locked on his, your voice dripping with something short of malice. "Don't you dare bring him up. He's got nothing to do with anything going on here."

Oikawa, at the time, had just cracked his signature grin, yanked your hand away from his jersey, and replied with, "He's got everything to do with what's going on here."

Later that week during tossing drills, Oikawa told you to toss to him. You were apprehensive, but did it anyway. He hadn't talked to you at all, you hadn't done spike drills since. Iwaizumi had chewed you out for acting out, but that was it. But after tossing to Oikawa, only Oikawa, for what slowly turned into hours, you started to notice something. You hated tossing, being a setter was harder than you had given it credit, and your made stupid mistakes like sending it too high, too close to the net. Oikawa managed to hit every last ball, though. If it was too low he'd make you redo it with Iwaizumi rebounding it for another set-up. If it was too high, he'd wait for his chance to line it up and then jump, swing, nail the shot. You slowly became for engrossed in whatever it was Oikawa was doing. Every critical look, every second chance, every power filled strike.

That was when you decided you had been wrong. Oikawa had been at Kitagawa Daiichi too, he had played with Kageyama too. He probably knew about how you looked at your best friend like he could do no wrong. He probably knew you loved him, even being young teenagers that didn't even know how to pass simple exams half the time. And he, without a bout, knew you wanted to prove to Kageyama that you were strong. Even more than you yourself ever realised it.

From then on, he decided to work with you, and you were taking it for granted, you were wasting what anyone would call the ultimate opportunity. All because you had some shred of loyalty left for the tyrant of the court. You didn't feel like you should surpass anyone. You didn't want Kageyama to see you as a threat, you wanted to stay at his side, even if you never could anymore.

Now, you were standing on the other side of the net, looking over the team that was Karasuno. One of them was making faces at Kindaichi, much to their captain's dismay, and a couple of them are trying to quell what looks to be the makings of a fight. You know better though, Kindaichi isn't that stupid. One of them, the tallest, looks bored. The orange ball of energy is still going on and on. Then your eyes fall on Kageyama. He isn't looking at you, he's staring at Oikawa, who isn't looking at him. It almost makes you seethe, but you take a steady breath, exhaling and glancing over at Oikawa. It almost makes your heart soar when he gives you a smile of recognition. One point against Kageyama already.

The set has begun. Your marked as setter for now. You occasionally join a block when you can. Oikawa's energy gives everyone there get up and go, he's bringing out everyone's one-hundred percent. Now you're serving. Everyone's eyes are on you, even Kageyama's. He looked surprised when Aoba Johsai didn't call a pinch server, like he used to when you served, since you didn't do very well back then and lost the team a few points when you would miss or hit the net. It always made you feel like you were a worthless as he thought you were. Now was your time.

You spun the ball a few times, closed your eyes, exhaled. It was now or never. The whistle blew. The ball was up in the air, your legs were moving toward the line, you were in the air. The skin of your palm tingled at the force of the ball smacking against your hand. It felt like forever until the pressure of the serve left your hand, shooting over the net like a comet. It carried everything you had worked for, carried all the insecurities you might have felt as soon as Kageyama walked into the gymnasium, and hurtled them right passed his head. He stood there, seemingly frozen as the ball collided with the floor with an audible crack, followed by the sound of your sneakers squeaking under your landing. The gym was quiet, from in front of you, you could see Oikawa smiling at your own look of bewilderment. The gym stayed quiet, until the cheers from the stand erupted, shouting your name in mantra. There were arms, hands, wrapping around your shocked form. Your team. Your friends. A smile spread across your lips as you shook off the shock and let out a triumphant shout, arms wrapping around the nearest necks they could find as your team, your friends, cheered with you. And for a few seconds, Kageyama didn't matter. He wasn't on the other side. He wasn't there at all.

It was all you, and you were just getting started.

\---

A few points in, you were in the front of the rotation, Oikawa was posed to toss. Kageyama looked ruffled, he was getting tired, but he and Hinata, you had pieced together a few names, were still pulling that quick and it was starting to annoy you. How could he work so well with someone when he never had before. Who was this kid? And why was Tobio giving him the looks he should have given you all those years.

Your hands flexed, you called for a nice serve from Iwaizumi. He got a point, service ace, but the second was stopped. You were watching, your feet shifting just enough to lower your stance. The quick was coming, you could tell by the way they were standing, you shot Oikawa a glance that he had in turn been giving you. As soon as the shrimp was airbourne, you both moved aside and almost in unison shouted, "Watari!"

The libero was more than ready, eagerly diving for the crazy quick and knocking it toward Iwaizumi. Every time the ball was touched, your heart swelled bigger, bigger, almost lodging into your throat. Every touch was one closer to the moment you had been waiting for. You moved back a couple steps, the ball was going toward Oikawa now, he was set to toss. Inhale, exhale. This was it. Your feet were moving the second the ball tapped his fingertips, heading straight for the net, no turns, just straight for the middle. Karasuno's captain was waiting, so they weren't going to form a block. They should have. The ball was headed for you, your legs tossed you into the air again, their captain braced himself. You allowed yourself a smile. You watched the ball as if it was in slow motion, the spin was just right, slow enough for your attack. As if time willed it, the ball seemed to freeze at your hand, losing all spin.

When your hand landed on the ball, you gave it a sharp cut toward the server, Kageyama. You made sure to smile when your eyes locked, before your body nearly curled with the force of the spike. Another comet from the night sky, the back turning spin of the ball lessening the distance it traveled. Any other spike like that would have been out, and Kageyama had already sidestepped for it to fly right by him. The look in his eyes when you landed and looked to find the ball spinning from the friction against the floor before bounding away toward the bleachers, right in the corner of the boundary lines.

Just like you'd worked on for so many months. A fakeout. Swing with the determination from that Kitagawa Daiichi match, but don't miss. Land the corner, scare the servers into moving away and land the corner. Oikawa hadn't lamely named you the Comet without reason. You could barely hear the crowd shouting your name, you were lost in the shock clearly etched on Kageyama's face. Your team was behind you, shouting in triumph, and Oikawa's arm was around your neck, trying to tear your gaze away from the black haired teen on the other side. For once, you let it fall away, leaving him the one in shock. Leaving him to wonder. Leaving him behind.

It felt damn good to leave him.


	4. Tobio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cranked this out today at work I was feelin' it friends! Hope its good!

Aoba Johsai lost it's practice match to Karasuno. There weren't any hard feelings though. It was good to play another team, learn about them and their dynamics. It helped both teams learn what they needed to work on, even if it was a little frustrating. Oikawa was currently talking with the captain, Daichi. Something about all of Seijou's aces being around for the next time they played each other. You silently wondered who that could be, while Kindaichi waved his arms around, animated even through fatigue. It made you smile, even when Kunimi bopped him over the head for tiring himself out.

You were lost in your own thoughts, wondering how anyone could be so energetic all of the time and who these aces could possibly be, when a hand fell against your shoulder, snapping you from your ten thousand mile stare at the teens squabbling maybe ten feet away from your spot next to the net. You half expected it to be Matsukawa and Hanamaki, come to tease you about the loss even if it wouldn't mean anything, but when you turned a found yourself staring into a pair of dark eyes, you froze. Part of you wanted to reel back from the hand on your shoulder. Knowing who it belonged to made it feel heavy and uncomfortable. With a sharp inhale through your nose, you gazed with a determined, hopefully heated, look setting into your features.

"Kageyama."

Said setter was staring little holes into you currently, it felt like he was trying to figure something out. Figure you out. He was only a couple centimeters taller than you now you'd noticed with the sudden proximity, but he was still very much the same Kageyama. Much to your quick beating heart's dismay. He didn't say anything for a while, you shifted on your feet to put a little more distance between the two of you but he was stronger than he looked. He was firmly holding that shoulder to keep you grounded. You felt like slapping him, how dare he force you into this awkward moment that was making your weary mind and lungs work overtime again. It was just like before, he was dense as hell way back and he was dense now. He would never understand and you felt yourself getting angrier by the second before he cut off the aggression with a small, "I'm sorry."

You blinked, then blinked again. Once more for good measure. What were you supposed to say? Thanks? No problem? Yeah you'd better be sorry you asshole? None of those seemed appropriate. But what would be?

Luckily you didn't have to dwell on it. He'd released the lip he'd been knowing on in your silence to add, "You got a lot stronger."

Your mind reeled again, tried to will your lips to move but they were locked shut. 'Why couldn't you be the one to make me this way?'

"I'm glad you're still friends with Kindaichi and Kunimi, too. You guys always were close."

'We were too, you damned fool!'

"And.. I'm glad you have a team that can do everything they can for you."

'You could have too!'

Kageyama dropped his hand from your shoulder slowly, and you immediately felt the weight of the loss. Your heart started to ache, you weren't supposed to still feel this way. He had pretty much broken you, left you high and dry with nothing but a sorely twisted ankle and a broken heart. But, at your silence, Kageyama glanced to the side. He was going to leave again soon. You'll never see him until you play against each other again. His team is waiting for him, your team is waiting for you. You two were the only ones still on the court. You felt steady tears streak down your cheeks, had you been crying this whole time? Probably.

Your breath hitched, heart lurching around in your chest like a wrecking ball. The skin over your knuckles hurt, had you been clenching them the whole time, too? More than likely. He wasn't looking at you. Just like back then, he wasn't looking at you, wasn't saying anything anymore. The storm of emotions felt like it was never going to subside but you managed to raise a hand and wipe at your tear streaked face before taking a half assed steady breath.

"You too."

He looked at you, eyes snapping back to yours. You were trying to smile around the tears, hoping your voice didn't betray you and decide to crack enough to sound broken hearted. You tried to keep your hand steady, reaching out to shake his hand, hopeful that maybe his would linger after you shook like it used to when you were both in middle school. Back when you made pinky promises and held hands when someone tried to bully you. It felt so fake, but you couldn't really tell him what you really felt, could you? You never had, glad that he was dense enough to never catch a hint cause it would have outed you and he would have probably had nothing to do with you anymore. Anymore than usual. And a long time ago you decided you never would tell him. So you never did.

But this Kageyama, dense as he probably was, wasn't the same Kageyama. He knew the act, evidently, frowning at your hand as if it had told a bad joke. You silently wished he would just shake your hand, leave, and you'd only see him on the court, if ever again. There were too many eyes, you were already ugly crying and making a fool of yourself. Why couldn't he just give you this one thing?

The hand wrapped around yours was warm, strong too, by the way it had pulled your fatigued self like a rag doll. There were arms circling your waist, pinning your chest to his. His forehead had fallen against your shoulder, your now wide eyes barely peeking over his. His team had left, apparently they had talked about what might happen, the crying and all. You could hear people behind you, whispering either angrily or smoothly. They faded after a few seconds. There was a wetness on your skin. Tears. Kageyama was crying, shoulders shaking, taking sharp intakes of breath through his nose. You didn't know what to do, Kageyama doesn't cry. The only time you'd seen him cry was once when he got separated from his mom at a grocery store when you were both little and you had tried your best to cheer him up and find her. And last year, when he was benched during a game. Kageyama Tobio never cried, but here he was, trying to strangle sobs with hitched breaths.

Not knowing what to do, you settled for wrapping your arms under his, palms of your hands resting between his shoulders. You were crying again, silently this time. This is what you'd wanted all along, right? To hold onto him at what might be his weakest and try to comfort him until he was at ease. Not that you were helping, but maybe, you thought, maybe this was enough for now. Words wanted to form, you tried to work through the incoherent babble of touching Kageyama again and the need to punch him in the gut for making you cry after you had just tried your damnedest to look cool in front of your team. You settled on leaning your head against his as his breathing steadied, tears only rolling across skin once in a while. You two stayed like that for a few more minutes, before he finally pulled away. Part of you wanted to hold on a little longer, let it linger, feel his warmth, give some back in return.

But he was already a few steps away from you, rubbing his eyes with his shirt. You settled for doing the same with your hand, sniffling absently into the silence of the gym. There was a long pause, it felt like forever, until he started to shuffle around. He looked like he was struggling, but you waited, hands in your jacket pockets, staring at the floor.

"Are you busy this Saturday?"

"I don't have anything planned."

His lip was under abuse again, teeth chewing the flesh raw. "Would you... like to maybe..."

"Sure."

Dark eyes met yours. You were smiling again, for real, this time. You got a little happier when his lips quirked a little, eyes moving to the floor.

"I'll come pick you up?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

You both took a few seconds more in the awkward space before settling on a tiny hug and heading your respective ways. Your heart soared. You felt the urge to cry again for a new reason. You ignored the whistles and grumbles from the team not really hidden just outside the hall.

Saturday would be a good day for sure.


	5. Better Think About it Twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating this for so long, I wanted it to be perfect. It didn't end the way I originally planned, but I like they way it does. Sorry in advanced if they isn't what you guys were looking forward to! ; ;

The first time you'd met was back when you were both around six years old. It was in a convenience store, your mother had been taking her time looking through the produce for dinner when you heard it. A wailing scream. Being so young, you didn't understand what that meant, didn't really understand what it meant when your mother slowly shook her head and said something about not paying it any mind. That was, until it turned into babbling sobs, and you felt yourself wandering. The store wasn't very big, you came with your mom a lot, you knew the whole place like the back of your hand! So when you made sure your mother wasn't looking, you scurried away and in the direction of the crying.

It didn't take long to find the source of the crying, it was another little boy, huddled on the floor of one of the aisles. He had short black hair, was about your size, probably the same age as you too. He was crying a lot… Where was his mommy? Or daddy? Why were there no adults at all in this silly store! You made your way over to where he was curled up against the shelf full of snacks and plopped down without much disdain. The boy in front of you sucked in a sharp breath and snapped his head up to look at you. His eyes were puffy and red from tears, but they were a pretty shade of blue that you didn't think you could describe at such a young age. He stared at you, frowning and sniffling, but he wasn't crying anymore.

You smiled, gave him a wide eyed look that made him reel back a little, but he didn't try to run away. That was good. "Hi there! What's your name?"

The boy looked at you for a long moment, then to his hands resting on his curled up knees, back at you. You waited quietly, offering a beaming smile. The boy still looked scared, but he was wiping at the left over tears in his eyes now instead of crying, and he was even looking right at you! You couldn't help but think he had really pretty eyes for a boy. "My… name is Tobio…"

"Tobio! It's nice to meet you!" You leaned forward toward him a bit, bellowed your name a little too loud maybe by the way Tobio flinched away. But he wasn't crying anymore, he wasn't smiling, either, but it was better than crying. "Where's your parents, Tobio-kun?"

He sniffled and shrugged, leaning against his knees in an attempt to try and hide his face. It looked like tears were going to well up again, but he eventually mumbled, "I lost my mom when I got distracted by the snacks…"

Your eyes widened a bit, blinking slowly at the boy in front of you before you started to giggle. Tobio looked betrayed, turning his head away with a furious blush crawling up to his cheeks. You then leapt to your feet, his eyes following your movement, beaming down at him with a hand held out to him. "What's your favorite?"

Tobio looked at your hand for a long time before taking it and letting you pull him up from the floor. The two of you then walked up and down the snack aisle, gushing over your favorites. Tobio seemed to forget for a while that his mom wasn't around, a tiny smile on his face as he held out one of his favorite snacks, it was one that you liked a lot too! It turned out that you and Tobio had a lot in common, you even went to the same school! How you'd missed someone with such pretty blue eyes was a mystery to a six year old you that it bothered you until your attention was pulled away by your name being shouted from the other side of the aisle.

When you turned around, your mom was standing next to another lady, a lady that looked a lot like Tobio, and they both looked really mad. Tobio looked over at you, you looked over at him, then you both looked at the snacks wrapped in your hands. Looks like you've been caught red handed, but they didn't understand! Snacks were a good coping method, and it's not like you were going to steal them or anything! Sometimes, moms were just too mean. Tobio's mom looked relieved, at least, to find her son okay and not sobbing on the floor.

From that day, you looked for Tobio at school whenever you had free time. He wasn't in your class, but you found each other at recess and spent a lot of time together. You stayed friends for a long time, when you both met Kindaichi and Kunimi, you enjoyed having more friends than just each other. You were inseparable throughout your middle school years. Until the King of the Court rose to power.

But now, that King was standing outside your front door, hands in his jacket pockets, shuffling rather uncomfortably, eyes not leaving the ground. You had spotted him coming from your window, still not ready for the day. Your sister dared to make fun of you, talking about how you were more pretentious about your appearance for your date than she had ever been for one of hers. You scoffed, this wasn't a date.

As much as you'd have liked it to be.

This was something you both needed to do. You needed to talk. It's been a year since you two had spoken outside of the other day at the practice match. There was a lot to talk about, where you would start, you didn't know, but it was better to clear the air. Whether you talked ever again didn't matter, as long as everything was out in the open.

At least, that's what you told yourself.

You eventually settled on a grey long-sleeved shirt and a pair of rather old and faded jeans. You had long dismissed the notion of trying to look nice, your closet was a mess. You grabbed a few things, like house keys, your wallet with what little money you had in it, your jacket. Spent too long taming your hair out of your eyes, before scrambling down the stairs. Hollering a quick good-bye into the house, you slipped on your shoes and jacket, shoving your things into the pockets.

Opening the door to find Kageyama standing there was something you hadn't seen in a long time. He hadn't come by since your second year in middle school, back when he started to act more and more like he was too focused on volleyball to have anything to do with anyone else. So seeing the raven haired teen with stunning dark blue eyes on your doorstep made your breathing stutter a little, writing it off as the sprint down the stairs.

"Hi."

"Hey…"

Kageyama looked extremely uncomfortable. He refused to look at you directly, his eyes falling on your shoes, the doorframe, the room behind you. When you stepped outside, he turned away and looked toward the road. You chewed on your lip, tried not to feel too offended. This was just so you two could talk over everything. It was nothing more than that. He was probably just nervous, Kageyama was never much of a talker.

"So…" you stuffed your hands into your pockets to keep the cold from biting at them. Kageyama didn't spare you any glances. "Where to?"

You ended up going to a library, of all places. It was warm at least, the lighting not too severe, but bright enough to make the quiet space feel inviting and make it comfortable enough to read in silence. It was probably a good idea to come here, you couldn't get so worked up here, which you were afraid you'd do. There was no sense in trying to convince yourself otherwise. The two of you worked your way to an empty table, the library surprisingly busy for a Saturday. The table was pushed pretty far into the back of the building, behind a lot of the bookshelves, but still in sight of the door and the courtesy desk. You sat across from each other, remained quiet for a long time. Until Kageyama broke to silence with a quiet, "How have you been?"

You actually had to consider the answer. You settled on, "Fine, I guess. Nothing to really complain about."

'Other than the fact that my best friend treated me like garbage and hasn't talked to me in a solid year.'

"That's good to hear."

"You?"

"Hm? Oh, I've been alright, I suppose."

You nodded, pursing your lips at the sudden thickness of the air. It felt suffocating, everything was so forced.

"I… I'm glad you agreed to see me today."

Your eyes that had been studying the wood grain of the table snapped back up toward Kageyama. He was staring at his hands that he had gripping the edge of the table. It reminded you faintly of the little boy you met when you were six. He looked tense, more than he had the other day.

"Why's that?"

His teeth pulled his lower lip into what looked like a death grip. He was thinking, you could almost watch the gears turning at full speed.

"…I missed you."

Oh.

Well that wasn't what you expected.

Your eyes widened a fraction, hands gripping at the hem of your jacket. How could he have possibly missed you? He was the one who called you worthless, he had made it clear, to you, that he had nothing to do with you. You couldn't serve the King for what he wanted you to, so you weren't important. How the hell did he miss you, when he was the one who cut those strings?

"Ah…" You considered it a bit longer. You couldn't get all worked up. It would only draw unnecessary attention. "Well, it has been a year since we've seen each other." You tried to offer a smile, not that he was looking at you to see it.

He did, however, nod to show he'd heard you. It irked you, but you tried to remember that this might not be easy for him either. "I see you're getting along well with your new team, Kageyama. That's good for you, do you like playing with them?"

This time he did look at you. You couldn't find anything there, but he looked like he was going to gag. "They're fine. We're not here to talk about them though."

Okay. "What are we here for then?"

Kageyama scowled, dropped his hands from the table into his lap. "Us."

"Us?" You raised an eyebrow, failing to keep the sarcastic snort and grin from showing. "What about us? You made it clear that there was no 'us', King."

So much for keeping yourself composed.

Kageyama looked offended, which only made you grimace. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Kageyama, I nearly broke my ankle last year to keep the ball in play, and you came to me after the game and told me I wasn't good enough to play. You going to tell me you don't remember that?"

"No, I do, but why would that mean there's no 'us'?"

You felt your jaw go slack. Surely he didn't think it was okay for him to have done that. No, there's no way. You took a steady breath, trying to will yourself to be calm. "Because, you made it very clear that I meant nothing to you."

Blue eyes widened, narrowed, his expression twisted into something like anger. Confusion. "You thought you didn't mean anything to me? Even after all those years we spent together as kids?"

"Especially." You were running out of patience. This is what you were afraid of happening. He didn't understand what he'd done, you weren't going to be able to explain it. But you willed yourself to breathe and tried anyway. "Kageyama, we were best friends since we were in elementary school. But when you started to act like volleyball was more important, it kind of wedged a gap between, not only us, but everyone else. The team, Kindaichi, Kunimi. You were so caught up with volleyball, we tried to keep up but--"

"This isn't about that."

"Like hell it isn't!" You covered your mouth at your own quick outburst, glancing around apologetically at the others in the library. With another quick breath, you leveled your gaze at him and continued. "This is exactly about that. That's why we stopped talking for the rest of the year. Because you changed, no one could handle how… extreme you'd gotten."

"So you just, went off with Kindaichi and Kunimi, because they told you to? Because I was too intense?"

"Uhm, no, they advised it'd be better to not speak to you anymore, it wasn't good for me because--" Ah, you couldn't say that. 'Because I loved you. Because you meant everything to me. Because I would have stayed by your side even if it made it so I could never play again. Until I was of no use at all.' You couldn't say that. He wouldn't get it.

"Because? It wasn't good for you because of what?"

You didn't like where this was going. You couldn't tell him that it crushed your very soul, the way he had glared at you over Kindaichi's shoulder and said that you would never be good enough. Not for him, not to stand by his side on the court, where he was wholeheartedly. You couldn't tell him that you had fallen for him back then, in middle school, even though you didn't know what that even meant then. Even now, you didn't know what it meant, but you had known then that you just wanted to be by his side. To give him your all, no matter how small that might have been to him. You wanted more than anything to be someone he could come to for anything. You could never tell him these things, he would hate you for sure.

Maybe that would better than him glaring at you from across a library table.

"Just, forget it… I'm going home, I can't do this." You were standing to move away from the table, hands braced against the surface of it, when one of his hands wrapped around your wrist. It startled you, but you gave him a tired smile and tried to yank you hand away. "Come on Kageyama, this is pointless."

"Pointless? It's pointless trying to figure out why you just cut me off?"

You sighed, not wanted to argue anymore. People were staring at you now. This air was thicker than it had been before and it made you uncomfortable. You just wanted to leave. "Yes, Kageyama, it's pointless. I left you high and dry back then for no reason other than the guys told me to. You're right, now let me go."

"So our friendship meant nothing to you?"

"Yep."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"Too bad, it's true." Every word was clipped now, you just wanted this to end. You could go home and cry about it. Call Kunimi and tell him you couldn't save what you hoped to. Cry into the phone and never talk about Kageyama Tobio again.

"Why are you lying to me?" His hold on your wrist tightened. It didn't hurt, but it was enough to keep you there. "What's going on, did they put you up to this? Is this some sort of joke?"

You froze. "…You want to run that by me again?"

"Is this some kind of joke they put you up to? To get some kind of… I don't know, revenge? Because it isn't funny."

Everything turned a shade of red. You forgot where you were, anger seeping into every part of you. It gave you the strength to rip your wrist away from his hold, a growl tearing through your chest. It sent him reeling a step back, you forgot about the people staring at you both, almost relishing in the shock evident in his eyes. "You're right, Tobio, it isn't funny, because it's not a joke. The only joke is the fact that I thought you'd understand anything! I came here because I thought we could talk about what happened, talk about what it did to me and the others! If you didn't care in the first place, you should have never asked!"

Kageyama opened his mouth to speak, but it was your turn to interrupt. "And, for your information, King, Kindaichi and Kunimi told me not to do this. Evidently, they saw you for what you really were when I was lost in the fact that you meant so much to me. They saw how cruel you were, they knew you for the Kageyama Tobio I didn't want to see, and I never believed them because I--"

A woman was headed toward you now, she was upset. The lady in charge of the library. She asked you very briskly to leave. You mumbled a snide, "I'd be happy to," before hurrying passed the people who were either staring at you or Kageyama, or trying to look away as if they hadn't heard anything. Kageyama followed closely, much to your dismay.

It was still cold outside, the wind was blowing and making it uncomfortably chilly. You tightened your jacket around yourself and headed toward whatever direction your house was in. You needed to get away from him. You never wanted to see him ever again. If he thought this was just some sick joke, then he never cared. As if that hadn't been obvious back then.

"Wait! Hang on, where are you going!"

"Home!"

"You're just going to leave?!"

"That's what you did to me!" You whirled, having to take a step back with how close he was to you. Curse his longer legs. You sucked in a breath, tried to glare at him even though the cold wind was making your squint.

"I didn't leave you, I never got to explain!"

"Explain what?! I meant nothing to you, you couldn't use me to shoot yourself into stardom, you couldn't fix a talentless fool! What was there to explain?!"

When he paused, you laughed. There was nothing but venom in it, though.

"I'm going home. I hope I never see you again."

You turned, started to hurry down the street again. You needed to get away from him. It was too much to even know he was still there, to hear his footsteps trying to catch up to you. You wanted to ignore him. Every time he tried to reach out and touch you to get you to stop, you'd shake his hand away. He had no right. He'd never understand that--

"Dammit stop! How could I ever explain that I loved you?!"

As if the cold wind had sliced into you, you froze midstride. There were tears running down your cheeks. It was like he hadn't even said those words and you whirled on him. "You loved me?! Are you some kind of sadist?! I did everything for you! Everything I could! And you left me on that gym floor, crying my eyes out and broke and you loved me?! You're more of a fool than I could have ever realized, I can't believe I ever let myself fall for someone like you…"

"You--"

"Goodbye, Kageyama. I'll see you on the court again, and next time, I'll beat you. I'll show you what I can be without you."

He wanted to say something, but you turned back around and forgot about trying to just distance yourself from him. You ran like your life depended on it. You ran all the way home, tears streaking down your face. You ran into your house, up to your room, and cried. At least you had a smile on your face as you called Kunimi and told him, sobbing into the phone. At least you knew that Kageyama had all the cards laid out in front of him, there were no more secrets. You smiled because you were going to beat him, show him what he missed in that year's time.

You smiled, because you could finally let him go, once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely where this one will end. I don't really have any more drive for this one, and I'm thinking about if I could do an alternate ending if this one isn't good enough, though I'd really like to leave it at this. I wanted this to be more of a coming to terms with old feelings type of thing. I hope you guys like it for what it was!


	6. Bonus: Cotton Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lost sleep, because everytime he closed his eyes, he saw you, running away on repeat. It was something like hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy is this overdo.
> 
> As promised to my sad feels anon pal! A nice resolution to the KageReader that's actually KageReader /shot

It started when he was young. The feeling of being loved. Not by his mother, no, not that sort of love. He hadn't really understood what it meant when his little six year old heart thrummed against his ribs when he laid eyes on another boy his age as he himself sat against the candy shelves at the store. He hadn't realized what it meant when he found him at school that week at recess, and smiled wider than he had in a long time.

Surely, now, he realized it was love.

The brightness of his smile, the way they held hands and ran around the school yard together like nothing could separate them. The way he was always warm, even in the winter when there was nothing but biting snow and frost dangling from their lashes. Everything about him was so nice, and bright. So good in every purest form of the word.

And he loved all of it.

Even in middle school, when he wanted to play volleyball, that sunshine smile would hurry along after him during practice, even if the now teenaged boy wasn't as good as most, he tried his very best. He always smiled at Tobio like he was his world, like nothing would shatter the closest trust he had ever had. Destroy the love he felt for him. 

Until he changed, and their new friends Kindaichi and Kunini decided it was better to split them apart. After his near sacrifice to the game, no, to Tobio, all he did was call him worthless. When it was himself that was worth nothing. He had cried that day, not because the teen who had stayed with him when no one else would was crumpled on the ground, beating the gymnasium floor with weak fists and an ankle twisted in the wrong direction. No, he cried because he was going to be benched, because his team didn't want to deal with him anymore. He cried for himself.

A year later, he cried for himself again.

In the open air of the Aoba Johsai gymnasium, after beating them, him, with his new team at Karasuno. He sobbed and sobbed into the shoulder of that same, sunshine smile bearing face after meeting his gaze. Seeing what he'd become without him. He cried because he had had nothing to do with it. He cried because he hadn't helped, he had moved on.

He didn't need Tobio anymore.

And now? Kageyama Tobio was steady in the cold, biting winter air outside of the public library, fighting back tears as he watched that face that had held a smile just for him turn cold, watched the boy he had loved run away from him.

Watched him leave, without him. It tore him apart. It made him realize what a fool he had truly been. Those bright eyes and beaming smile had turned into nothing but features as cold and relentless as the fevered winds currently chilling his breath.

Kageyama ended up with a cold the next day.

Monday wasn't easy. He went to class, couldn't focus on the English sentence structures being written alongside the Japanese between his miserable sniffles and the whirlwind of angry thoughts shuffling around in his mind. Even with Hinata squawking in his ear throughout the day, during lunch, at volleyball practice, that storm of what-ifs and what went wrong was too strong for him to ignore. Practice was a flop, too, and everyone could tell. No one said anything.

For the most part.

Tsukishima, the asshole he is, had to pry. Had to bring Tobio out of his reverie and into the quiet gymnasium that was either in shock or moving away from the sure to come confrontation.

"So, how'd it go with your boyfriend."

Kageyama barely registered it at first, he didn't have a boyfriend? He didn't remember telling anyone he did, or that he was talking to anyone, for that matter. What did he mean..? Unless.. oh, yeah, he'd mentioned missing a meet up on Saturday to talk to... you... And then he whirled, gave the blond a look of defeat as the tiny rush of anger deflated into sadness once more. "He wasn't my boyfriend, and he never will be, so just leave it at that."

It was left at that.

The days turned to weeks, progressed into months, all of which held the same nagging thoughts, the same restlessness, the same overarching fears of never seeing you again outside the court. At first he tried telling himself that was fine. You had your friends, your team, he had his, you were separate people in separate places and your meeting that day was gone and done with. Then he couldn't tell himself that anymore. He'd question why you had to be separate people. Why you both couldn't meet up again, do it over, talk about what you meant. He knew what you meant. He knew what he'd done, he just didn't know how to fix it. Could he fix it? Was it too far gone? Hell if he knew.

He knew he loved you, though. He knew he regretted not telling you that day you met again at practice. Regretted not saying it at the library before letting his cynical side vomit out accusations of the meet up being a sick joke.

Kageyama was soon nothing but a puddle of regret. That puddle iced over, trapped him in it, solidified his wallowing and made his already temperamental teenage emotions fragment like frosted glass. He didn't know if he should cry or scream or punch a hole in his bedroom wall. Nothing was cohesive. Everything felt like it was falling apart. He lost sleep, because whenever he closed his eyes he watched you run away on repeat.

It was something like hell. 

Come time for the InterHigh, Kageyama was somewhat composed. He had slapped some sense into himself, there were games to win, his team needed him to focus. And for a while, he was fine. They were doing well, a few hiccups here and there, but nothing they couldn't push passed. Push they did, and soon came a match they needed to win.

A match Kageyama was nearly sat out of before it began.

The match against Aoba Johsai.

He stood frozen alongside his team as Aoba Johsai entered the court, Oikawa as annoying as ever, a new face to the crowd, Kunimi, Kindaichi... and then you. You seemed to almost glow, like the world was lifted from your shoulders, and subsequently thrust onto his. The bright, sunbeam smile lit up the gymnasium, tickled the edges of the stand, warmed the court. A light bubble of laughter followed, eyes crinkling in effort. It was like a spell, Kageyama was stuck in it, trapped against the floor. Your eyes turned toward his team, smile faltering as they landed on him, but it returned full force as Oikawa called you and the rest of the first years over to the coach's bench. That brief glance and falter, it made Kageyama's world screech to a halt. All the mental preparation was for nothing. He was still in love, so hopelessly, but that look told him he'd never have another chance at that.

The game was hard, as an understatement. The new player for Seijoh, "Mad Dog", was a crazed machine, and it took everything Karasuno had to deal with him. Then Oikawa would show up, and crash through the careful setups and plans. It was a massacre for a while. Kageyama had been trying his hardest to focus, he was doing well, the team was holding strong and scoring against Seijoh well enough. You hadn't been in, sitting on the sidelines with the swap-outs. You weren't first string anymore, he didn't know what to think.

Until the last set. The set to win.

As everyone took a bit of a break and regrouped to deal with the line-up, Oikawa called your name, annoyingly chipper, and he froze again. He watched, a towel pressed to his cheeks, as you jumped to action, taking the place of the newer member for the time being. You'd pat the teen on the shoulder and bid him a job well done with a grin before practically bounding onto the court. A high five to Oikawa, some whispers and excited nodding to him and the rest of the team. It made Kageyama every level of jealous conceivable.

Daichi's hand dropped against the raven's shoulder, voice laced with concern. "Are you sure you'll be okay this set? We'll pull in Suga if you need a break."

He considered it. For a long while, as he watched you talk so animatedly with the team, the coach, wave to someone in the Aoba Johsai crowd you probably knew. Then decided he would be fine.

He wasn't fine.

Aoba Johsai had the first serve of the set, and who better to serve than the boy who hits comets straight from the sky. Kageyama was in the server's corner, eyes following every single movement they could. It was like the practice match all over again. You were serving, he was across the court in the same spot. The ball spun once, twice, was stilled then tossed high into the air in front of you. Your legs propelled you forward in time with the crowd in the stands. Arms back, knees bents, launched into the air and ended with sick crack against the gymnasium floor and a riled up crowd before Kageyama could even track the ball flying between him and Hinata. It was like a comet shot out of the brilliant night sky, colliding with the earth with a mighty impact. He stood still, shaken even, as the service ace was declared and Aoba Johsai enveloped their star server with cheers and hugs and praise. Bubbling laughter filled the energized gymnasium. The tides had turned once more.

Five points to service ace before Nishinoya managed to dive save the ball into play. Karasuno caught up slowly. The rest of the set was a back and forth fight to keep the ball from being tossed back into your own hands. Kageyama's focus dwindled on occasion, but volleyball was his life, the thing he strived to be the best at, the thing he loved the most.

The train of thought screeched to a halt along with the ball that knocked the wind out of him that you'd rocketed over the net after a near perfect set from Oikawa. The gymnasium screeched to a halt at the sick smacking sound of the volleyball hitting skin, then erupted into motion fast than the teen fell to the floor. Kageyama all but crumpled to the floor in some sort of twist of pain and sad realization. His lungs hurt from the sharp intake of breath from the splitting pain in his head, his head screaming in agony and downright sorrow. A voice that sounded far away called out to him, his own hand tentatively reaching to his face. It stung, but not as bad as the barreling train derailing its course.

He loved volleyball more than anything. Even more than his friendships. Even more than you.

And that had been the issue, he was realizing all too late.

The gymnasium came back in full swing suddenly, all of the noises screaming in his ears and causing more pain to well, tears falling from watering eyes, hands on him trying to get him to focus on where he was. A voice cutting through all of the racket and beaming bright like the sun, thick with concern and trembling. It called his name, reached for him as he squinted. A hand moved his own away and rubbed his cheek, tilted his head slowly, another on his back to steady him into a sitting position. His name, repeated and repeated until he managed to look up and find a downcast, grey cloud hovering over what should be a radiant, blinding smile.

"Kageyama, if you can hear me, blink twice."

That's not the right voice, that's Daichi. The face he was looking for is replaced by the stern attentiveness of his team's captain. The hands from before were removed, and as Kageyama reaches around for them, blinking twice slowly to clear his eyes and make Daichi happy as, his mind only fears not finding those hands. "Where is--"

Almost as if he'd called the name, his eyes were allowed to focus on a face that looked like yours but it was too sad and concerned and almost scared to be you. There were tears threatening to blur his sight again, but he reached up to clear them as a broken, crying, voice floated around him like they'd break. "I'm so sorry, Kageyama, I wasn't paying attention to where I was aiming! I missed, I'm so sorry, K-Kageyama are you sure you're okay? Oh my god, we gotta--"

Kageyama reached his hand forward to try and touch something, anything, and assure you he was okay, but he could barely flinch before he was moved against his own will and into the arms of what he assumed were medical staff. He tried to assure them he was okay, but words weren't coming out, all he could do was listen, hear someone usher you away as the medics carefully moved him away from the court.

\---

The game had been finished before he was even cleared to leave. Seijoh had won, and though he wasn't on the court, he was just as devastated as if he had been there. He was about to leave the medical area when he heard a shuffling at the door to the room, hand pausing over the door handle as it was pulled away from him. He looked at the teen in the doorway, unable to think about what to say or do. The teen couldn't think much on it either, apparently, because he stood there, still, staring right at Tobio.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, I'm sorry, I finally realize why I hurt you so much, and I can't imagine a way to tell you how much I wish I could go back and redo everything."

A set of blinking eyes scowled, not quite sure what to do, mouth open in question. So, as if he could find no better way to explain, Kageyama swallowed what overbearing fear he had, forced the room to stop spinning long enough to get his hands against smooth, somewhat tear-stained, cheeks, and leaned forward.

There was nothing but silence and a slowing of time. Kageyama let himself stumble a bit, his head still not clear enough to keep from spinning his senses dizzily. He let himself try to apologize and redo some of the terrible things he'd ever done with nothing but slightly chapped, teeth bitten lips pressed against a pair softer than any flower petals he'd ever felt. He tried to convey everything he could, hoped that he wouldn't suffer another head injury for doing something so not like him. Something that might not be welcomed. A few seconds felt like hours in a cotton-like haze, a slight pressure on his wrists pulled his hands away from where they rested, and for a second he thought for sure he was going to get the punch of a lifetime, but a small, hiccupped laugh popped like little bubbles between the space he was invading before the gap was closed once more, quicker, arms circling around his neck as soft lips met his once more.

For once, in what seemed like a long time, Kageyama let himself smile in genuine happiness, laugh like a little kid, squeeze the person he loved more than he could probably understand as tightly as he could. This time he was determined to never make you let go ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm open for suggestions for other pairings/oneshots/etc!
> 
> If you have someone you'd wanna read about, with a specific topic or scenerio, please tell me! I wanna expand the Haikyuu!! x male!/genderneutral! reader library (even if I gotta do it mYSELF!!!) I'll consider fxm but I suck at it
> 
> Send suggestions to: candiedpaper.tumblr.com and remember! Specify if its lengthy or a oneshot, who you want it to be with, and gender! (please dont send me a lot of fxm I'm really not good at it ; ;)


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